Loss of Self, A Cosmic Horror Short Story

A step taken, another forgotten, a speck of my being left behind, as the past escapes me and the future encroaches more rapidly with each inch I advance and deteriorate. Time is a funny thing, always has been really, but it has become an even more interesting concept to ponder ever since it lost all meaning all those years ago, at a time before the erosion of reality took the forefront of everyone’s thoughts, or what was left of their thoughts in some cases anyway. 

Empty husks wander the streets, once bustling with energy and stories yet to be told, yet their empty pages have been ripped up and scattered across the void beyond, their potential robbed by those wretched eyes above, staring at me even now as I hang onto the last few atoms of my sanity. A color incomprehensible to our mortal mind spreads onto every corner of what we once called the sky, rapidly changing and never staying the same for even a moment, or at least, that is what I deciphered from the mad ramblings of those who once had greater courage than me, little is left of those humans, although that word does no longer describe them as much as it once did, for even their humanity has been stripped from them, only forms vaguely resembling what once was remain, attempting to share their newfound knowledge with the blind, those such as I, who kept their heads down even in the before times, and continued to do so when raising them would spell their doom. 

Another step, and I watch as a part of me leaves the stump I once called my left foot, little is left until the waist is reached and I will be reduced to a crawling mess, the floor feeds upon that speck of my being, long since transformed by the gaze high above, for it corrupts not only those who think, but all that exists, without care or discrimination, without need or cause, with our only sin being in the way of its pursuit for that which is yet to be corrupted.

Yet another, my right foot this time, it too is taken in part, as it has been before, and will be taken again, the absence of pain was strange at first, but has become but another universal truth of my ever-fleeting life since the new reality has taken form, just as the strangeness of time has become another universal truth, for mere moments may last an eternity, and centuries may take but a breath, we do not question, merely march on, pondering ourselves, our existence and our eventual fate that is approaching, how fast it is doing so is unknown to us all, for it is both as quick as lightning and as slow as the a snail, but a pace is there, that I am sure of. 

Step.

Step.

Step.

Step.

Crawl.

My life, which I once considered to be short, numbered in less than a single century, appears endless now, I am unsure of when this all began, my memories fail me more and more with every inch I crawl forwards, I believe I walked once, although the way I did so escapes me when I attempt to recall it, how does one walk when I can barely drag myself forward with my two stumps, especially when they are located so close to my head? I am unsure, perhaps it was different once, I believe there was more to me, once upon a time, however, I do not know when that time occurred, or even what I thought of it, how did I live? How did I experience the joy of moving around rapidly, did I ever truly do so or are these mere mad delusions like those of the husks? Did I perceive the sky? 

Crawl.

Crawl.

Crawl.

Twitch.

I wish moving was easier, I do not know how I have gotten this far by inching myself forward with strange movements that feel both alien and familiar at the same time, I believe I have come far, although I do not recall my starting point, or even my destination, I am sure there was meaning to it once, yet said meaning escapes my mind, this part would be peculiar, but as I watch another part of it escape into the great beyond I am quickly reminded of how I came to this state, even if my original one is already lost to it long ago.

Twitch.

My last moments seem to be near, I am sure, although I am unaware of how I am so certain, a feeling permeates me, and it states as such. I wonder, in these last moments, whether I still have the strength to do as I wish, to satisfy my curiosity from eons ago.

Putting my doubts away, hoping they get swallowed with the next part it takes from me, I muster my strength and push my left shoulder into the floor, launching me into the air with greater power than I could have ever expected from myself and turning my perspective from the endless gray I have stared at for an unknowable amount of time towards the being in the sky which has taken so much from me and my species. As I gaze upon it I finally understand the husks, for nothing else could occupy my mind else for its endless beauty, a color that cannot be described or comprehended unless one gives in fully to its magnificence, as I observe its vastness a single thought strikes me and transforms me, occupying my entire being for the rest of time; it was inevitable.